Leadership and Child Training Thoughts

Why do kids react to parenting or leadership with sarcasm? Why must they make backtalk or roll their eyes? I believe it is a lack of parenting or leadership skills. I’ve come up with some key words that if you will implement into your life I guarantee you will see some major changes in the way your children treat you.

Key Word - Gentleness
Yelling is NOT gentle. Sarcasm is NOT gentle. Grabbing, slapping, nor pinching is NOT gentle.

Dictionary definition:
1. Mild; meek; soft; bland; not rough, harsh or severe; as a gentle nature, temper or disposition; a gentle manner; a gentle address; a gentle voice.
2. Tame; peaceable; not wild, turbulent or refractory; as a gentle horse or beast.
3. Soothing; pacific.
4. Treating with mildness; not violent.

Verses better explaining the key word:
Psa 18:35 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.
2Sa 22:36 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness hath made me great.
2Co 10:1 Now I Paul myself beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, who in presence am base among you, but being absent am bold toward you:
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Isa 40:11 He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.
1Th 2:7 But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children:
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
2Ti 2:24-25 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;

Key Word - Softly
Yelling and screaming is hardly soft. How do you remember responding to a yeller? Well the children in your life will respond about the same way. Try lowering your voice instead of raising it.

Dictionary definition:
1. Without hardness.
2. Not with force or violence; gently; as, he softly pressed my hand.
3. Not loudly; without noise; as, speak softly; walk softly.
4. Gently; placidly.
5. Mildly; tenderly.

Verses better explaining the key word:
Gen 33:14 Let my lord, I pray thee, pass over before his servant: and I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children be able to endure, until I come unto my lord unto Seir.
Pro 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Pro 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Key Word - Sweetness
The kids when asked why they obey Mrs. Lisa and no one else: “Mrs. Lisa is sweet to us.” The old adage “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar” is absolutely true!

Dictionary definition:
1. Pleasing to the ear; soft; melodious; harmonious;
2. Mild; soft; gentle.
3. Grateful; pleasing.
4. A word of endearment.

Verses better explaining the key word:
Pro 16:21 The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning.
Pro 16:24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
Ecc 12:10 The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth.
Luk 4:22 And all bare him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth. And they said, Is not this Joseph's son?

Key Word - Kindness
Shouldn’t adults be restricted to good manners also?

Dictionary definition:
1. Good will; benevolence;
2. that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses.

Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
1Co 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Col 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
1Pe 3:8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
2Pe 1:7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

Key Word - Slow
Our life shouldn’t be filled with reactions. Be slow to make decisions. Be thoughtful and PRAYERFUL before you react. Determine beforehand how you will react to certain situations and then don’t deviate. And, should a new situation come up.....walk away and come back to it after you have thought it over.

Must we really have a bicker battle with a kid. Determine to refuse to argue, get sassy, or snap back at a kid.

Dictionary definition:
1. With moderate motion; not rapidly; not with velocity or celerity; as, to walk slowly.
2. Not soon; not early; not in a little time; not with hasty advance;
3. Not hastily; not rashly; not with precipitation;

Verses better explaining the key word:
Pro 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
Isa 53:7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
Mat 27:14 And he answered him to never a word; insomuch that the governor marvelled greatly.
Luk 21:19 In your patience possess ye your souls.
Jas 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

Building Character in Toddlers

Many mothers are worn out & weary -- you get that way after 10 hours of -
--listening to screaming & fussing kids
--screaming & fussing at the kids
--cleaning house
--picking up after kids
--trying to repair things the kids broke
--chasing kids
--feeling like nothing productive came out of the day

Toddlers are at a wonderful age. They are at an age of learning & exploring. Your day shouldn't be work, work, work. It should have victories & fun. Not everyday is going to be perfect but you should have more victories than failures. We know it can be done because God commands us to teach our children. Every minute of every day should be for learning! Here is the main problem:

CHILDREN ARE LET LOOSE IN THE HOUSE!
--they tear things up
--they are noisy
--they fight with one another
--they make messes
--they are discontented and bored

Thus......mother becomes a nervous wreck. I'm going to give you lots of advice today but I want to first say that your personal devotion is of utmost importance. It is that devotion that's going to keep you from going insane. It is that devotion that is going to keep you from abusing your children either verbally or physically.

What do you do with your children all day? Good question. I am going to give some advice that worked for me.

1. Wake kids up at a certain time every morning, Never say "I'll let the kids sleep in today so I can get some housework done." It won't work. They kids will be grumpy and they are being trained that they are in the way. They are being denied the opportunity to do chores and learn to work.

Proverbs 6:9 - How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep?

2. Keep a big clock in the room that is easily seen by you and the toddlers. This clock is there so they can know when their time is up to do a certain activity. Keep the kid's activities in an area of the house that you can see well. Sometimes that may be the living room floor. (This also teaches them to tell time without any effort at all.)

Proverbs 29:15 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

3. Make the children sit at a meal time for 30 minutes. That gives you time to eat and pick up. It also gives you time to teach meal manners.

4. Give the kids chores and insist that they are completed within 1 hour of waking (or completion of breakfast). Anytime they have after doing their chores is free time. Write these chores down and never budge. I always had chores done before breakfast. No chores....no breakfast.

5. Get rid of 90% of all their toys. With structured time they don't need them. Toys are not always good for children. Have maybe 4 or 5 toys they can play with during "free" time but the rest of structured items are kept put away. This makes them special.

6. Each structured activity should last about 30 minutes. This gives you 5 minutes to show them what they are supposed to be doing and 5 minutes clean-up. That gives them 20 minutes to sit or stand to do that activity. The 20 minutes is yours. Set the time limit. They must complete the full time even if they are bored. And they must put that activity away even if they are having a wonderful time. Use activities they really love as rewards.

7. At first you will be disciplining a lot to keep the kids seated and contented. Especially if they are used to going from toy to toy and have had many toys. But it won't take long and they will learn to enjoy that activity. Once you know you have no choice you become content and then you even learn to enjoy your work.

8. Use variety in the activities. Every day the children should wonder what they will learn or do. Some activities they will like, some they won't. They must participate in all activities. (Like life) They should never be allowed to say "I don't want to." These activities will gradually switch to schoolwork. The kids will hardly notice they are doing school because of the gradual change.

9. A one hour rest time should be required ever day. This time is your free time. Please don't let the children sleep for a long time because you are being selfish. And don't let the kids get up. They need to learn to rest quietly. This is training them for their future prayer life. How many adults can't pray 10 minutes with out becoming restless and bored! Had they learned to rest for one hour as a child they might could pray.

10. Outside time should be required. Outside time is better if you have activities (e.g. gardening, swimming, picnic, etc.) But at least 30 minutes a day the children should be required to go outside. Yes, even in winter. Even rainy days can be fun. If you have a porch they can play on the porch. Set boundaries in the yard. Teach the children where they can go from the beginning. Take the time and walk the yard saying no to the areas outside the boundaries. However, children shouldn't be put outside all day just to get them out of your hair.

11. Thirty minutes should be spent each morning learning Scripture and singing. Make this a very fun and happy time. Use puppets, dolls, books, pictures and music to help the children learn the Bible. At the end of the time, pray.

12. Spend lots of time with them. When your kids are doing something....be there. Don't every go shopping or have a “family time” when one of your children are singing or preaching somewhere! Why make your kids angry because they “have to” go sing while there rest of the family gets to go play.

13. Training is more than spanking....it is time. It takes time to teach character. To teach a kid to sit still in church takes the same amount of time as it takes to teach them their ABC's. Take one 30 minute period and have the kids practice sitting in church, standing straight and tall, holding a songbook, etc.

14. Be consistent. Don't be a lying mother. Let your “Yeas be yeas” and your “nays be nays.”

15. Teach the kids boundaries (like sitting alone (reading or looking at a book) on a couch for a few minutes) so you can safely get things done. This gives you time to take a bath or cut up a chicken.

16. Self-control. Teach the kids to be quiet. No fighting should be allowed. Don't allow your children to fall in the floor and pitch a fit.

1 Thes. 4:11 - And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;

17. Quit running the roads. If you do these things you will be able to carry your children anywhere. They will be able to sit in church. They will be a blessing to your home instead of a burden. It takes work at first to get their little spoiled selves satisfied but lots of firm consistency is the key. And, some mothers will have to quit running the roads and leaving the baby home with sister or brother. Why have children if you aren't planning on raising them?

And, yea, ladies, Daddy comes first. But why not ask him if you can have three days a week in which you can make a very structured life for the children? Most people just decide to let the public school give the kids the structure and don't even bother trying. "Well, they learn that in school." How terrible! You are their mother. STAY HOME and teach your children!

Titus 2:5 - To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

18. Go to all Church Activities. You want your children to be spiritual but yet you choose to stay home instead of go to preaching meetings. Teach your kids that to work for God you have to sacrifice at times.

Keeping Toddlers Busy

Every weekend I keep 8 granchildren at my house. They spend EVERY Saturday night and go to church with me on Sunday. After church they go home with their mother. I love this time with my grandchildren. What fun we have! I would guess that 95% of our Saturdays are spent outside. I put babies in strollers or swings. The big kids play while I do yard work or swing on the porch.

My older grandchildren love to gather sticks so they can have a bon fire before bedtime. My younger grandchildren chase ducks or chickens. We rake, we swing, we gather eggs, we push the babies in the strollers, we go for walks. I never have a shortage of ideas. I thought I'd share my ideas of keeping little ones busy. Idle children complain and fight. I always kept my children busy and now I keep my grandchildren busy. (By the way, I have NEVER had a TV in my home!)

30 minute activity ideas for ages 1-5:

(Don't start a new activity until the first one is completely cleaned and put away. Clean up immediately when the 30 minutes is up. The children should help clean or the next activity will be 30 minutes sitting on the couch. These activities may seem like a mess but it is easier to clean up after 30 minutes of activity that it is after 30 minutes of run loose in the house!)

-- Reading books
-- Cutting pictures out of old magazines or calendars
-- Gluing.
-- Paper sack puppets
-- Painting (food painting is fun and tasty)
-- Puppets
-- Paper folding (Making snowflakes, etc.)
-- Shapes (Use cut out shapes and have kids make things)
-- Blocks
-- Legos (put a sheet down and teach them to play on the sheet for easy clean-up)
-- Making necklaces out of different things (buttons, cereal, macaroni, paper, beands, etc)
-- Play dough
-- Make a paper chain
-- Peel potatoes (you can store them in a bowl of water for future use)
-- Roll & cut out cookies
-- Make money rubbings, etc.
-- Play store with money and a few items from the cabinets
-- Play church
-- Use a piano or tape player and sing.
-- Plant flowers
-- Shaving Cream
-- Decorate a cake
-- ABC magnets
-- Flash Cards
-- Puzzles
-- Water play
-- Roll balls
-- Hide and Seek
-- Dress up
-- Music
-- Chalk on sidewalk
-- Nature Walk

Dealing with Unsaved Relatives

Sometimes it seems your family is more proud of you when you are in sin....or at least lukewarm with sin. There are people in the Bible whose family wanted them in sin:

Joseph - Ge 37:20 Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams.

Abraham - Jos 24:2 And Joshua said unto all the people, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Your fathers dwelt on the other side of the flood in old time, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nachor: and they served other gods.

Moses’ Sister - Number’s 12 - The Lord fought for them.

What to do about family and friends who would rather see you in bondage:

Abraham had to separate from his family- Ge 12:1 ¶ Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee:

Abraham & Lot had to separate - Ge 13:9 Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.

Abraham was determined to do right.
Lot was given the option.
Lot chose to separate.
Abraham still prayed for Lot (Sodom).
Abraham still helped Lot (Ge 14:16).
But there was no fellowship. When Lot left Sodom he never went to Abram. But had he done that....Abram would have accepted him.

Here is my personal counsel:
1. Be very kind always. Always strive to be close and friendly.

2. Don’t discuss religion with them. There is so much that we CAN agree on that we needn't focus on that which we do not. Keep conversation positive and when it gets negative, leave. Don’t even discuss why you left. If the other person seems the tiniest bit upset, tell then you must go but you’ll talk to them again really soon. This isn’t sweeping it under the rug....this is putting a stop to future fights.

3. Know what you believe and have a Biblical reason (not so you can argue but so that you have a foundation for your own walk.) (Don’t be tossed to and fro or it will not be looked on as convictions.)

4. Walk with God. Pray! Keep your soul right with God. This keeps you from feeling guilty.

5. Work on helping people who will respond positively to your help.

6. Have friends who believe like you. Search it out. Not to argue....but to know who I can have good conversation with. Enjoy your times with those people.

7. Get close to your spouse. At times he will be all you have.

8. Always respect the other person(s) as if they were right and you were wrong.

9. Read your Bible for encouragement. My Bible always encouraged me.

10. Determine to be lonely. The road for a Christian is a narrow one. Not too many walk side by side in a narrow path. Usually you are right in front of someone or right behind someone. But keep walking! Those in front of you help you. Those behind you, you get to help. Its lonely...but the end result will be worth it.

11. Make your mother, father, sister, and brother to be those who do the Father’s will!

Mt 12:50 For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. I am not saying forsake them. No! Definitely do all you can to keep fellowship. But when it is not possible for their constantly arguing.....let your church family be enough. Christ is All I Need!

Trusting in Your Heart

Feelings
Many people make decisions based upon feelings. Only one person did that in the Bible...Gen 27. And he messed up!

You can not trust your feelings or "heart".
Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Pr 28:26 ¶ He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.
Nu 15:39 And it shall be unto you for a fringe, that ye may look upon it, and remember all the commandments of the LORD, and do them; and that ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes, after which ye use to go a whoring:

If you let your eyes chose your mate for life....you are like a whore. Your eyes will tell you that you love them with all your heart! This is foolish.

When you say that it won’t happen to me. God won’t destroy me for following my heart...you are a fool!

De 29:19 And it come to pass, when he heareth the words of this curse, that he bless himself in his heart, saying, I shall have peace, though I walk in the imagination of mine heart, to add drunkenness to thirst: 20 The LORD will not spare him, but then the anger of the LORD and his jealousy shall smoke against that man, and all the curses that are written in this book shall lie upon him, and the LORD shall blot out his name from under heaven.

How do I know God’s will?
Okay, if I shouldn't trust my heart....how do I make a decision?

1. Is it contrary to the Bible?
2. Decide that "your will" isn’t what’s important....but God's will.
3. How do the most godly people I know counsel me?
4. Continue doing what you were going to do until God changes you
5. Ask for wisdom and guidance

I personally like the idea of being "led" When Paul didn’t know what to do he DID NOT follow his heart! Read what he did:
Ac 9:6 And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do. 7 And the men which journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man. 8 And Saul arose from the earth; and when his eyes were opened, he saw no man: but they led him by the hand, and brought him into Damascus.

If you get your eyes on man then you will NOT follow God’s will. If Paul, a grown man, allowed people to lead him... Do we think we are more spiritual than that?

I always tell people to "obey first" and "understand later." Paul didn’t understand why he was being led the way he was. He was afraid because he was being taken to the home of people he didn’t treat well in the past. He was blinded to the truth. There were scales on his eyes. However, he acted on faith, believing his guide and God. Look what happened:
Ac 9:18 And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized.

How I've Kept Myself Right With God

Things that’s kept me right.

I truly do love Christ!
2 Cor. 5:14 - For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:

I didn’t want to be a shame to my parents.
Proverbs 19:26 - He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach.

I believe those in heaven can see us.
Hebrews 12:1 - Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

God could come back anytime.
Matthew 24:42 - Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.

He records all our deeds.
Matthew 12:36 - But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

Our blessings are determined by our obedience.
Deut. 28:1-2 - And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the Lord thy God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the Lord thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth: [2] And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the Lord thy God.

I want my children to serve the Lord.
Job 4:8 - Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same.
Galatians 6:7 - Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

I want people to go to heaven! (Hell is real!)
Genesis 13:8-9 - And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren. [9] Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.
Genesis 19:14 - And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which married his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the Lord will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.


I fear God!
Matthew 10:28 - And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
Psalm 111:10 - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.

My Opinion on Old Age

When does quality life end? Recently, after talking to a man about his mother, I began to think about this thing of "quality life." He said that when his mother reached the point that her life was no longer "quality" he would rather see her "go on." Though at the time I couldn’t pin point the reason why, these words greatly bothered me. Mercy killing is what I often hear it called but I still call it premeditated murder. The truth is . . . old people are inconvenient. They are a bother. They have nothing left to live for so we want to rid ourselves of this little problem. One way we easy our conscience is by saying "It’s better that they die than suffer."

I think taking care of the elderly is like being a parent. Remember what your parents did for you. You have to sacrifice in much the same way. Here are some things I’ve heard children of elderly say and beneath them are my comments.

He can't walk / We have to haul a wheel chair everywhere we go
I imagine there was a time when you couldn’t walk and your parents had to haul car seats and strollers around with them.

She cries all the time
As a baby you cried continuously. Some babies cry more than others. Many babies babble continuously. One of my children cried so often that it kept me up and down all day and night.

She always spits up
Seems like I remember my children spitting up and many times spitting up on me.

She just lays there
Is it just me or don’t most babies just lay there?

She is always sick
Most mothers spend the first fifteen years of each kids life being a doctor and a nurse.

She is just suffering
First of all, is SHE really suffering or do you think YOU are suffering. But regardless, lots of children suffer. Kids get the flu, cholic, bike wrecks, broken arms, etc. Is that a reason to wish they were dead, so they won’t suffer any more?

She can't talk anymore
I bet there were about 7 or 8 months of your early life when you didn’t say much either.

You have to change her diaper
I understand, I mean after all, my mother only changed my diaper for two years. I should never return the favor.

She walks so slow
Yes, and so did my kids.

She is so cantankerous
Kind of like children who don’t get their way. Think back to how you acted as a teenager!

I am tired of taking care of her
Do you think your mom spent 18 years of her life enjoying every minute of her lost freedom.

I don’t have a life anymore
To live is Christ. I remember giving my life up for 18 years while I raised my children.